Captain America Not Allowed into Baseball Hall of Fame


COOPERSTOWN- In a stunning decision today, Steve Rodgers, better known as his Nazi murdering alter ego Captain America, a noted patriot, decorated veteran of World War II, and record setting home run hitter was not elected to the baseball hall of fame by the Baseball Writers’ Association of America. 

Rodgers, who hit over 1,000 career home runs in three brief seasons with his native Brooklyn Dodgers, was devastated by the decision.  “I just don’t get it.  Not only have I personally knocked out Adolf Hitler over 200 times, and saved the world from the menacing plots of the Red Skull, but I brought baseball back from the brink after a devastating world war left only one armed players, asthmatics, and women to play in the majors.” Rodgers said at a press conference following the decision.  “It’s not like anyone wanted to watch girls throw like, well, girls, or see a bunch of cripples try to field and throw with the same arm.  My historic performance boosted radio ratings and ticket sales to levels we haven’t seen before or since.”

Phil Smith, a spokesperson for the BWAA, said the writers did not want to taint the hall with confirmed super serum users.  “The fact is: the man cheated.  He was one of those ninety pound asthmatics that ruined the game before that kraut doctor got a hold of him.” Smith said in a written statement. 

This decision has split the sports’ world.  Steve Rutabaga, a Brooklyn fan, said he felt that the Captain deserved his place in the hall. “It’s not like he didn’t hit all of those home runs.  That takes a lot of hand-eye coordination and skill that should be rewarded.” Smith said at a subway station before falling onto the tracks and requiring rescue from the Captain.  “See?  He’s America’s greatest hero.” Rutabaga was quoted saying as he was lifted from the tracks by Rodgers in full Captain America costume just as the next train arrived at the station.  Stanley Jenkins, a Yankees fan, felt that Rodgers did not belong in the Hall of Fame.  “I don’t care how many Nazis he killed, or how many attractive, English MI6 operatives he’s bed, he cheated.  Ruth, Gehrig, and Dimaggio didn’t need a super serum to hit home runs.  Hell, Ruth did it with hot dogs and soda.  He didn’t need some German to inject him with a fluid that gave him eternal youth or giant muscles.” Jenkins stated while eating a sandwich.

At press time, Rodgers could not be reached for comment on the fans’ reaction.

Written by Ryan Lichtenstein