Few things embody the warm, loving spirit of the holidays more than Friendsgiving, when young city-dwellers too broke to travel back to their parents’ houses gather in a cramped apartment and simultaneously realize how hard it is to make actual food. It’s a chance to get together with your chosen family, the loved ones who aren’t actually obligated to put up with your bullshit, and say, “I care about you enough to put on real pants.”
But let’s face it: You don’t care enough to make the green bean casserole you signed up for and promised to make. Here are some suggestions for wine because deep down that’s what you know you’re bringing.
1. Chardonnay is easy-drinking and unobjectionable. Plus, bringing the Real Housewife beverage of choice says, “If you call me out on my laziness, I may or may not throw this in your face.”
2. Pinot Grigio sounds French, and you can probably get a bottle with some sort of fancy crest on the label to let your friends know that you put thought and effort into choosing that wine and definitely did not buy it at a gas station on your way to the party. Another advantage is that Pinot Grigio is widely available at gas stations.
3. Gewürztraminer is a great choice because if they can’t pronounce it, they can’t criticize it.
4. A nice Burgundy can cost an arm and a leg, so this is a good choice if your friends are winos or if you need to flaunt your recent promotion.
5. Organic, biodynamic wine says, “Though I may be too much of a mess to put any time or effort into my contribution to this party, I care a lot about the environment, so like, I’m probably still a good person, right?”
6. Asti is champagne’s distant, middle-class Californian cousin, and if you’re a twentysomething without a mortgage or a 401k, it’ll do just fine. Don’t front.
7. Actually any wine at all will work, because if we’re being honest, we all know that this Friendsgiving is going to be one dry turkey and 11 bottles of $7 wine. And after the third or fourth glass, it’ll all taste fine! So don’t worry about buying anything too fancy until you flake on bringing gingerbread to Festivus.
Gwen Lawson knows which gas stations on the way to your apartment carry which wines.
Image by cristinabe.