Chicago Gives Up On The Cubs, Starts Cheering For Favorite Foods

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CHICAGO — Following another dismal season, sources confirmed Wednesday that Chicago Cubs fans have officially given up on their team and have instead started cheering for their favorite foods.

“How the hell is somebody gonna cheer for a burrito over me?” Cubs first basemen Anthony Rizzo yelled as he slammed a “Burrito > Rizzo” sign onto the ground. “Sure my batting average is .232, but I’m still a person.”

At press time, a small group of players announced they preferred chicken tenders over Cubs closer Kevin Gregg.