Country Music Star With Writer’s Block Prays For War In Syria



NORMAN, Okla. – Country music legend Toby Keith, mired in a long creative slump, is praying for President Obama to send waves of young Americans to Syria, according to a confession on his blog,

“I’m havin’ trouble writin’ new lyrics, y’all,” admitted Keith in his trademark Comic Sans font. “If we’d just pull up our britches and kick that Hashad’s [sic] ass, I’d go platinum in a week.”

The buxom singer is stuck in a relative dry spell, as he’s failed to release a new song during the last three days. So the feather-haired songster has turned to his trusted muse, pointless violence.

“Look, if Mushad’s [sic] using anthrax on Seerians [sic], imagine what he’d do to Texans,” said the cosmopolitan cowboy. “It’s time we went Irak [sic] on these Pershun [sic] [and wildly inaccurate] clowns!”

And powerful figures have heard the hatted he-diva’s request. Sources say a Pentagon memo listed three primary motives for a Syrian war: “(1) Protect Israel, (2) Ensure regional stability, (3) Get Tobes another single.”

John Clark orders Whiskey Journal for his men and Onion for his horses.