6 Ways New York Is Different Than LA But Still Won’t Be Spared God’s Fury

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If you’ve been contemplating a move or even a visit to a large metropolis, chances are you have heard of New York, New York and Los Angeles, California. The two cities have very high populations and are similar in most respects, with the exception of a few subtle differences that will ultimately not matter when the time of His judgment comes. Here are six ways that New York is different than LA but still will not avoid the eternal torment of God’s Wrath.

1. Getting Around 

If you’re a New Yorker with somewhere to be, chances are you’re going to hop on the subway to get there. Meanwhile, an Angeleno without a car is pretty much unthinkable–just ask anyone who’s been stuck in LA traffic. No matter the vehicle though, all paths in both cities lead directly to Hell.

2. The Weather

 NYC is boiling in the summer, freezing in the winter, and absolutely gorgeous for a few weeks in spring and fall. While it can’t compare to the near-perfect weather of Los Angeles, denizens of the Big Apple still find ample time to shed their clothing and degrade their bodies with displays of wanton carnality.

3. The Food

 Whether chowing down on delicious bagels, hotdogs, and pizza in The City That Never Sleeps or ordering some mouthwatering burgers and authentic Mexican cuisine in Hollywood, residents are gorging on the poisoned filth of a hedonistic cesspool. Only pain awaits!

4. The Weed

 The whores and degenerates of the Empire State have been known to enjoy a toke or two, but they can’t compare to the full-blown Mary Jane explosion in the modern day Sodom that is California. East Coasters may think their more stringent attitudes will save them from eternal torment. They are wrong.

 5. Homes

 New Yorkers don’t live in the palatial decadence of the Caligulas in La La Land, preferring to carve out a small, dark hole to hide their perversions, like maggots in a rotting corpse. Any dwelling is a wasteland without the nourishing light of Christ.

6. The People

“But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars – they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.” – Revelation 21:8. You may be a studio executive or an ad executive, a Brooklyn hipster or a Valley girl, but beneath it all, you’re a wretched, filthy reprobate clutched close to Satan’s bosom. Repent and seek God’s forgiveness or be ripped apart by encroaching darkness, whether you’re “California dreaming,” or in a “New York state of mind.” Amen.

 

Matt Crowley is a junior city councilman from Carmel, Indiana.

Images by wikimedia.