Bank Of America Applies For Loan At Chase Bank

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By Jeff Arcuri 

CHICAGO — Bank of America was spotted applying for a loan at a local Chase Bank on Tuesday, following weeks of new low rates advertised by the latter, competing bank.

“We just couldn’t believe their low rates and knew we had to take advantage of this.” said Bank of America leaving the Chase Bank location on Dearborn Avenue immediately after applying for a $2,000 personal loan. This summer Chase had launched a new campaign that provides its customers with a $100 gas card upon opening a checking account with direct deposit and approval of any loan. The “Come Get Some” program has attracted several types of new customers, even competing banks.

Chase was unable to comment on the decision of the loan for legal purposes, but speculation surrounds Bank of America’s decision to close their checking account two days after applying for the loan. Bank of America was limited in their response, saying only that “Stupid Chase doesn’t recognize a valued customer when they meet one.”

“The teller Janine is fat and the personal banker Ari is an asshole,” the bank went on to say.

 Jeff Arcuri knows the true value of credit unions and hates tank tops.

Image by James Webb.