Justin Bieber Obliterated In First UFC Fight


LAS VEGAS — Teen pop sensation Justin Bieber was an unmitigated failure in his first foray into mixed martial arts last night, losing his bantamweight bout against Sergio Ruiz (1-3) after a brief but exceptionally brutal 42-second beatdown.

The 19-year-old singer still best known for the cloying hit “Baby” had to be rushed to the hospital after the fight was over for emergency surgery to his face, where doctors worked for 12 hours to repair extensive damage to his right orbital bone, jaw, and skull. Bieber was still in recovery as of publication, but early reports are that the formerly delicate features of the heartthrob will be heavily scarred and misshapen after the multiple surgeries, and he is unlikely to ever look the same.

There is no word as to whether or not Bieber will continue to attempt a UFC career, although all signs point to this being a one-and-done event. “This is a classic Icarus scenario,” said UFC Unleashed host Mike Goldberg after the fight. “Bieber became too taken with his own bad-boy persona, and refused to listen to anyone that tried to tell him he wasn’t ready. He flew too close to the sun, and his face has paid the price. Hubris: thy name is Jerry.”

David Sharp is Senior Destruction of Beautiful Things Reporter for the Whiskey Journal and hasn’t been to karate class in 15 years.

Top photo courtesy of Whiskey Journal Staff Photographer James Webb


Bottom photo courtesy of Crazygirlsa