Jack Johnson Clears Throat, Discovers Actual Voice

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SANTA BARBARA, Calif. — Singer-songwriter Jack Johnson is well known for his smooth, whispery voice. All of this changed when he was hospitalized for clearing his throat on accident.

“We warned him for months that clearing passages in his pharynx would have irrevocable consequences,” said a man outside of Santa Barbara Cottage Hospital. We can only assume it’s his doctor.

Since the tragic incident, Johnson has only spoken to fans through video posts on his website. His speaking voice appeared to be fine. However, that was just his speaking voice. The key words here are “speaking voice.”

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Today his new single “Cute Little Humming Bird Lullaby Luau” was released, with vocals from a recording studio built around his hospital bed.

The ukulele riffs are some of the best he’s made yet, but the voice that’s heard on the track is a little jarring.

Fans have described it as a mixture of Ella Fitzgerald with what one imagines Dick Cheney’s singing voice to be, but worse, but great in terms of Ella… it’s complicated.

The man outside of the hospital had no comment.

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Tim Barnes is TWJ's Senior Post Racial Correspondent. He's an L.A. born Chicago based comic who’s writing about himself in the third person right now. The Chicago Tribune described him as “a smooth wordsmith who is sharp, polished and confident…” He hosts TouchVision TV's weekly conversational storytelling podcast, "It’s All True!" (photo credit: Honk Honk Photography)