LOS ANGELES — Hollywood announced Friday that it would no longer be trying to anticipate what people will go see. Instead, they have initiated what they are calling “A more creative approach” to movie-making. They will simply ask movie goers to just tell them what they would like to spend a lot of money on. Hollywood admitted that the last couple of decades have not been its most proud. Box office sales are down, reviews are horrible, people just aren’t excited about movies anymore. If there is a buzz about a movie, it is quickly spoiled when people actually see the movie.
“We’re about tapped out. To be honest, we are kind of tired of trying,” says Michael Bay (Transformers, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen , Transformers: The Dark of the Moon, Untitled Transformers Sequel). “There is no shortage of original scripts out there by potentially very talented screenwriters. And these would probably be very important movies. But, here’s the thing about original ideas: how do you know if something will make a ton of money if it hasn’t been done already, and made a ton of money? If I had known that people really wanted to see Dances with Wolves combined with The Matrix, I could have made Avatar.”
In the last couple of years, Hollywood has released a Spiderman reboot, a Superman reboot, several older movies which were merely made into 3D, resurrected the peacefully-sleeping Scary Movie franchise, continued to beat the shit out of the dead Hangover horse, put out two movies about the White House being taken over wherein one guy is left to protect the president, paired Vince Vaughn (Wedding Crashers) and Owen Wilson (Wedding Crashers) together again. It seems as though the movie industry has little choice, but to try something different.
“I’m excited about the new initiative,” says Bay. “We have done a few test runs. The first of which comes out this Friday, and I urge everyone to see it. It’s called R.I.P.D., which stands for Rest In Police Department, or Rest In Peace Department, or… I’m not… It’s going to be awesome, though. It has Josh Brolin, or Chris Evans, or someone like that in it. It was a suggestion from Nick Strohdler (pictured below), who is Rhode Island’s premiere psychic Bob Hope impersonator, and head of pediatrics at Butler Hospital.”
Submissions for movie ideas can be made at www.makemymovieiammovieandsmart.com/fartideas
Ross Kelly is proud to announce that his idea has been approved, and you can look forward to a Garbage Pale Kids reboot starring Taylor Lautner in every role.