Jaden Smith Accuses Father of Well-Choreographed Physical Abuse

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BEVERLY HILLS, CA – In a shocking allegation, Jaden Smith told police this week that his father abused him with a perfectly timed series of swings and kicks, according to TMZ.

Sources say Will Smith was arrested after his 15-year-old son, covered with remarkably lifelike bruises, made a very articulate call to 911.

“My dad has delivered several well-choreographed swipes to my head,” said Jaden Smith during the 911 call. “There’s mild 90’s rap playing in the background, and the whole thing seems a bit rehearsed.”

In the background of the call, an older man is heard yelling, “get your misbehaving rear end over here, before I give you a stern, but family friendly, whooping!”

Sources say the tape did not feature any swearing, and Jaden Smith told police that the violence, though real, only reached “PG levels.”

Will Smith’s attorney denied the allegations, but said, “if they were true, my client only gave punishment that would be approved by the average American moviegoer.”

And while the younger Smith is currently in state custody, sources expect father and son to reunite for at least two sequel beatings.

Gene Ebert truly hopes that the Smith children grow up to be regular, well-adjusted adults.