Sexual Harassment or Foreplay? Important Answers For Your Future Lady Happiness

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You know how it is. You’re sitting at your desk, minding your own business, and pretending to work. Then out of the blue, your boss slips into your cubicle, whips it out, and says “how ‘bout it?” You’re left asking yourself, “oh my god! Am I soo violated or is he SUPER into me?” In a year’s time, you could be pressing charges or playing house, so you don’t want to read him wrong. Shirley’s Temple is here to help with a list of potential situations you may encounter at work and how to deal.

SITCH 1: You’re in the ladies’ room at work and the guy janitor walks in unannounced and tries to force his way into your stall.

ISH: Blue collar guys are hot in the kind of way that reminds you why you enjoy annoying your mother. But poo space is personal space and any relationship that doesn’t go out of its way to pretend bodily functions don’t exist will never succeed anyway.

S.T. says: SEXUAL HARRASSMENT.

SITCH 2: You’re trying to enjoy your one free meal (that’s now cold because table 7 was a bunch of ass bags), when Chef brandishes his knife at you, winks, and asks how you like your meat cut.

ISH: Let’s face it: Ladies. Love. Dicktalk. And, sure, being in a subordinate position might make you feel threatened. But it’s just that sense of danger that let’s you know, he’s so down, he’s willing to risk civil litigation. Plus that knife thing makes us tingle!

S.T. says: FOREPLAY.

SITCH 3: Your boss asks you to stay after hours for something called “inventory,” which turns out to be a game of naked “hide the spreadsheet.” 

ISH: Ok. The naked thing is totes inapprops. But the game part really brings the “play” back in. Weren’t you the one who always wanted a fun boss ? He’s only giving you what you asked for. Next time, offer a compromise: you’ll take off half of your clothes if he only takes off half of his. Who knows where it could lead!

S.T. says: HARRASSPLAY.

Let’s face it ladies. Any girl who can’t “play along,” is really just making us all look bad. Tolerance prevents sexism. Teach your children well. And make him buy you dinner.

By Erin Zimmerman, co-editor of Shirley’s Temple and recovering “team player.”

Photo Courtesy of Mer and Mike