CHICAGO, IL – Following the Chicago Blackhawks 4-3 double overtime playoff win over the defending Stanley Cup champion Los Angeles Kings on Saturday evening, Chicago streets ran wild with urine from drunken hockey fans, forcing many citizens to seek shelter in their own apartment or wealthier friend’s basement.
“We were just walking back from dinner and then I heard all this chanting and breaking of glass,” said Chicago resident Jeff Allen. “By then it was too late, we were already in the street. There was just urine everywhere. I should have never worn sandals.”
Many of the Windy City’s residents planned ahead, and had already been in hiding prior to the game, after learning the possibilities of the Blackhawks Western Conference Finals win.
“I knew this was going to be a disaster,” said Chicago nerd Ross Baker. “I don’t watch hockey, so I don’t understand why my whole weekend is ruined because some frat boy’s favorite sports team won,” continued Baker as he scrolled through the contacts on his iPhone desperately searching for anyone to text.
Experts expect Chicago’s city streets to return to normal urine levels following the conclusion of the Stanley Cup, assuming the Cubs continue losing.
Kyle is currently hiding inside of his Chicago apartment, petting his cat while watching Netflix.