By Rob Gregory, @GregRobbery
CHICAGO, IL — Rick Samuelson, a deceased druggist from Chicago, has had no difficulty through the years expunging unwanted visitors from his South Side abode. That is, until recent tenant, Alan Thin and his family moved into the home.
The apparition is finding it increasingly difficult to haunt, scare, or even make his presence known in the cluttered bungalow, which has fallen prey to Alan’s hoarding habit.
As a result of the disorder, Thin has stockpiled an excess of old furniture, newspapers, toys, tools, and other household items, strewn randomly about the home. Samuelson wants the family to vacate the premises, but will settle on the hoard’s removal, which has taken its toll on Thin’s own family members.
“I tried to throw a lamp across the room, but literally couldn’t move it 5 inches. To make matters worse, I turn around and this neglected toddler is wheezing in the corner from whatever dust and bacteria is present. It’s gross.”
While the ghost is impervious to earthly maladies, Samuelson said he’s also had difficulty “breathing” lately, which he acknowledged sounds absurd, and probably a psychological effect of the dilapidated home.
The 134 year old, formerly of Englewood, made a futile attempt to frighten the unwanted inhabitants last Tuesday when the children left for school. His “boos” quickly turned into “ewws” after noticing a growing pile of excrement, deposited by a missing and feared dead dog, Petey.
Rick stated he’d like to make contact with Thin via seance, just to confront him on his condition, but doesn’t think he’d be able to connect through the clutter.
“You need to be able to sit at these types of things. There isn’t enough room for 1 person let alone 5. My decaying body could be hidden in the mess, even propped up on top of it, and I don’t think they’d notice.”
Samuelson sought solace in the words of American Statesman Ben Franklin, saying “Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days,” and upon reflection said “I’ll take the fish.”
Find out more about Rob’s otherworldly experiences on Nickelodeon’s “Are You Afraid of that Waiter with a Ponytail.”