TULSA, OK – To combat the rising tide of bullying, one innovative high school has enacted a “zero tolerance” policy to force the cool kids to tolerate the losers.
“Our school is half zeroes, half winners,” said Mike Smith, the principal at Union High School. “So we think this policy is our best shot at social harmony.”
Under the new rules, students with healthy social reputations will have to “acknowledge the existence of” the pimpled, introverted, and gifted students that make up Union’s lower caste.
The rules, however, do not force the cool kids to “engage in outside social activities” with the zeroes. They simply require a “minimal degree of tolerance,” according to Smith.
“Look, we’re not forcing the baseball team to hang with the spazzes from the bad part of town,” said Smith. “We just want the jocks to recognize the freaks’ presence.”
Early reviews have been positive. “Zack Thomas nodded at me this morning,” said Sid Twitch, wiping snot from a very red nose. “It was incredible.”
“Ya, I nodded at the kid,” confirmed Thomas, massaging his bicep. “Rules is rules.” Thomas then slapped his very attractive girlfriend on the rear end and offered this reporter a high five.
The reporter quickly accepted the offer.
John Clark can’t believe how easy kids have it these days.
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