Under Armour Shirt Makes Man At Gym Look Like Actual Athlete


By Andy Boyle

BOULDER, COLO. — The tight, moisture-wicking Under Armour shirt Dave Toffler wore to the gym Tuesday made him totally look like an actual athlete, according to reports.

“I first noticed it while I was staring in the mirror while doing some free weight bicep curls,” said Toffler, a 28-year-old stockbroker. “I thought, ‘Wow. I look ripped. Like Tim Tebow, or even an earlier career Brett Favre.’”

Many patrons took double or triple-takes when seeing Toffler, mistaking the Under Armour-wearing man as perhaps a member of the Broncos, or maybe even one of the Rockies. At the very least, he probably played college sports somewhere, which Toffler claims he does not.

“Wow,” said Under Armor Creative Director Terry Friedman when shown photos of Toffler. “We really nailed it.”

He continued: “You really sure he doesn’t play for the Denver Nuggets? Or the Colorado Avalanche?”

Toffler said he’s planning on buying a pair of nice golf clubs, just to see if someone mistakes him for a PGA Tour member.

Andy Boyle hasn’t worked out since 2011. Follow him on Twitter at @andymboyle.

Buy tickets to our upcoming show, The Whiskey Journal Live!, every Wednesday in May at Fizz Bar.