Is your boyfriend committed to you? I don’t know, is he? Like, is he really? Sure he tells you he loves you every day and acts interested when you text pictures of your pet lizard Sherman, but there’s no way to really know. Here are five helpful new ways to doubt his commitment:
1. Place A Wad Of Your Roommate’s Hair In His Bed And Overreact.
See what he says when you yell at him like, “Um, Jeremy, who’s hair is this? Is this, oh my God… is this Bethany’s hair?!? WHERE DID THIS COME FROM?” It came from you, of course, but he’ll never know 😉
2. Flirt With His Dad and See If He Gets Jealous.
If he won’t fight over you with his dad, then what else won’t he do? If he ignores you or tells you that you are being inappropriate, then he probably isn’t in it for the long haul.
3. Tell Him You Have Ebola.
If he refuses to have sex with you, then he’s just not that into you.
4. Accuse Him Of Being In Love With His Sister.
His sister said his new hair cut looks good? Good? Wow, she must want to fuck him. And he just said “Thanks, Tania.” Ummmm, yeah, WTF? If he won’t admit that he is in love with his sister, then what else is he hiding?
5. Come Out As a 9/11 Truther.
This is the best time to test his allegiance to you and your conspiracies. Make him wonder if you are truly rational by calmly explaining to him that 9/11 was an inside job that thousands of people within the US government were in on. If he can’t see the truth, then he’ll probably bail on you in the near future and take the lies of the US government with him.
Stephanie Weber keeps wads of her roommate’s hair but by all means, take her advice.
Image by Ariadna Bruna.