Chicago Cubs Players Attending Games Mostly For The Ambiance

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CHICAGO, IL — The Chicago Cubs may have gotten off to a rocky start this season but that hasn’t stopped the lovable losers from enjoying America’s pastime, even if it’s just for the ambiance.

“I mean truly, how many chances do you get to take in a game, like 162 or so?” said shortstop Starlin Castro, who isn’t letting the Cubs’ 5-12 record ruin his enjoyment of the game. “You have to indulge yourself, even if your team isn’t the Yankees.”

Castro later added he’d like his team to be the Yankees.

In spite of the team’s heartbreaking loss to Milwaukee Sunday, right fielder Nate Schierholtz managed to derive some happiness in the form of a keepsake from the game.

‘I caught a ball! I caught a ball!’ he exclaimed after nabbing a pop-fly that brought the second inning to a close.

Manager Dale Sveum surprised the players with tickets to last Thursday’s game with the Rangers.

“It was kind of out of the blue,” he said. “We had no plans of going to the game, but hey, you only live once, right?”

General manager Theo Epstein acknowledged attendance has been low by both fans and players, due to the lackluster start to the season.

On last Tuesday’s bout with the Rangers, following heavy rains and subsequent delays, some players decided to duck out and listen to the rest of the game on the radio. Epstein noted there was still a handful of diehard players who decided to stick around and see if the game would resume.

At Sunday’s game, Epstein dropped an estimated $660,000 for salaries, hot dogs for the players and cotton candy for pitcher Carlos Marmol.

“At the end of the day it’s just money,” said Epstein. “You can’t buy happiness. Or wins with this bunch of knuckleheads.”

Epstein then made a slitting throat gesture at Sunday’s losing pitcher Scott Feldman .

Rob Gregory is an avid baseball fan, like the Cubs.