Kid Rock Releases Self-Titled Children’s Album

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DETROIT — To the surprise of his fans, reprobate rocker Kid Rock has released Kid Rock, a collection of light-hearted children’s music, according to Atlantic Records.

Rock, whose birth name is James “Bob” Ritchie, introduces himself in the album’s first song, “All Summer Long,” as “Jimmy Bobby, here to make your summer cootie-free, baby.”

And early reviews have been positive. Rolling Stone says “Bawitda-baba” is a “pleasant ode to pacifiers,” and describes “(Dress Like a) Cowboy” as a “nostalgic tour through the sartorial whims of early childhood.”

The album, however, hasn’t escaped criticism. Pitchfork dismissed “Picture Book,” a collaboration between Rock and Sheryl Crow, as a “rehashed children’s tune, lacking any hint of thematic depth.”

And Metacritic dismissed “You Never Met a Mother Quite Like me” and “American Bad Bottom” as “bland tripe, better suited for 3-year-olds than 5-year-olds,” the album’s intended audience.

Still, Rock remains proud of his work. “I think it’s kind of They Might be Giants meets Raffi, with a little bit of Veggie Tales thrown in for good taste.”

“Fatherhood’s taught me that music can be more than a perfect fusion of rap, rock, and country,” said Rock, sipping an orange juice. “Plus, before he died, I promised Joe C I’d release an album for little people.”

According to sources, Rock also plans to make a children’s film, “Joe, Don’t Eat That Dirt,” with David Spade, who currently stars in his own show written for children, “Rules of Engagement.”

John Clark will spend most of the summer blasting Bawitda-baba from his Honda Fit.