EVERYWHERE, The World – Following a snowstorm on the first day of Spring, which was preceded by a gray-ass February, which itself came after a January and December that were total bullshit, a new study published today found winter weather to be less enjoyable than sunshine.
“I love the sunshine,” said fair weather enthusiast Rachel Vincent. “In the winter, I just stay in my apartment and watch Netflix while my cat wonders why I am paying so much attention to it.”
According to the University of Chicago, who conducted the study, the majority of people “fucking hate winter,” followed by a passionate small group that “like sunshine.” After questioning over 10,000 people, the private research university found that although the number of people who “fucking hate winter” were high, they were in fact also lovers of sunshine.
“I’d like winter more if just wasn’t so fucking cold,” said 25 year old sunshine fanatic Jason Thompson. “I like baseball a lot. I wish they played baseball in the winter. That would make it better.”
At press time, Winter declined to comment on the new study, but did look really sad to hear that no one liked them anymore.
Rachel Vincent leaving her apartment to get quarters for laundry