CHICAGO — Long-term boyfriend Brian Clark has no idea what the fuck OkCupid is or why his single friends keep mentioning it, he revealed to several of his pals at a local neighborhood tavern.
“All of my friends always talk about these girls they are messaging with on the internet,” Clark said as he texted his girlfriend that he’d be home later. “They show me pictures of whatever girls they are currently talking to, especially the ones they’ve had sex with.”
He added: “They especially won’t shut up about those.”
According to his friends, Clark confused the dating website with Facebook six months ago and has just been too embarrassed to admit it. He has since refused to even Google what OkCupid is, out of fear that his girlfriend will find it in the browsing history.
“If someone could just explain the purpose of a dating website to me, I think it would help,” Clark said. “I gotta say, it just seems like OkCupid exists so people can feel better about having sex with strangers. If I were ever going to have sex with a stranger again, I don’t know why they’d need to know what my favorite movie is first.”
At press time, Clark appeared to be hitting on the bartender in front of his friends, but it was later revealed he was just asking her where she got her boots. He said his girlfriend has that exact pair of shoes and he should probably head home soon.