Television Fans Lament ‘Commercialization’ of Super Bowl Commercials

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NEW ORLEANS — Every winter, the Super Bowl showcases America’s premiere advertising athletes. But many television fans are upset by the “creeping commercialization” of the advertising game.

“Forty years ago, commercials were simple,” 53-year-old Blanche Lincoln, a substitute administrator, told reporters. “Pieces of art, really. It was all landscapes, light greens, and handsome Italians. You could really focus on the product.”

“Today, I can’t tell the difference between a commercial for car insurance and one for, you know, sexual medication,” said Lincoln. “It’s all so … commercial, you know?”

A surprising number of Americans share Lincoln’s concerns. A recent CBS News poll discovered that 37 percent of ad watchers think actors like Burt Reynolds and Clint Eastwood “acted harder” than their modern counterparts.

The majority of those polled also believed modern actors were more likely to use performance-decreasing drugs. And 56 percent of respondents said modern technology had a negative effect on off-field performance.

“Think about your average Pepsi commercial in 1972,” said Jeb Huckabee, a retired widget waxer. “Back then, Pepsi didn’t have auto-tones or Lady Kesha. “All it had was a roll of film and 12 ounces of imagination.”

Despite his concern, Huckebee still plans to watch the periodic moments of inaction during the big game.

“I’ll admit, I still watch soda commercials,” he said. “But it feels like Pepsi’s just in it for the paycheck.”

“That’s not the beverage company I used to root for.”

Follow @johnoftheclarks for more mockery of honest, hard-working Americans.