Barren Woman ‘Really Appreciates’ Facebook Photos of Friends’ Newborns


DENVER, COLO — Despite being unable to conceive a child, local woman Jennifer Appleton said she “really, really appreciates” her friends constant posting of baby photos on Facebook, according to reports.

Appleton, 33, held a press conference today, announcing she’s lowered the number of times she cries when checking Facebook to only twice a day.

“I mean, I think it’s really great that my friends constantly post photos of their little miracles,” Appleton said. “After seeing 17 photos by noon of yet another newborn that popped out of someone from high school, I’m just happy someone on this planet can have a baby.”

Noting that it’s a blessing some people can bring life into this world, her husband Nathan, 35, said, “At least we don’t have to wake up early, right honey?”

He paused. “Right?”

Never knowing what the joys of motherhood might bring hasn’t deterred Appleton from checking Facebook every 15 to 20 minutes. Whenever a friend from college posts a new photo, perhaps captioned, “Look at little Jason walk,” Appleton will still click the “Like” button and attempt to hold back tears.

“You have to be happy for them,” she said. “Their children are so wonderful and great. And I’m happy they have them.”

She continued: “Because I can’t. Thanks cancer.”

By Andy Boyle, Lincoln Park bureau chief and beard spokesman

Follow @andymboyle on Twitter.

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Andy Boyle is a 28-year-old sneaker enthusiast, comedy writer and occasional stand-up comic. You may know him as the guy who once livetweeting a breakup at a Burger King. But you definitely know him as your friendly neighborhood beard spokesman. He is an editor and contributor for The Whiskey Journal, as well as its web guru. He also runs The Boatless Booze Cruise open mic on Tuesdays at Weeds Tavern. Andy currently lives in Chicago with his cat.