Nation’s Homophobes & Homosexuals Agree: ‘Modern Family’ the Worst Thing On Television

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BURBANK, CA – Representatives of both the homosexual and anti-homosexual communities, lobbies which haven’t traditionally seen eye to eye, have put their longstanding rivalry aside and joined together in their shared dislike of the television sitcom “Modern Family.” The show, a four-quarter hit for the American Broadcasting Channel that is named after the demographic that it hopes to appeal to, has been harshly criticized from each side of the rainbow for being both “too gay” and “not gay enough.”

At a joint press conference held yesterday afternoon in the parking lot that’s shared by St. Francis of Assisi Catholic church and Upside Down Town Nightclub and “Playground For Adults,” Archbishop Taggart Swaggart of the Catholic Church and Genevieve Gaerth, the Currently Presiding Person of GLADD (Gays and Lesbians Against Discriminated Driving), each read from prepared statements that made their disdain for the show clear.

Archbishop Swaggart called Modern Family “perverse, progressivist propaganda for homosexuality.” He went on to claim that “their portrayal of “regular gay life” trivializes the sinfulness and normalizes the lifestyles of queer people in America,” and concluded by saying “Modern Family is, without a doubt, the worst thing on television.”

Following Swaggart, Gaerth called Modern Family “a cartoonish, corporate caricature of homosexuality.” She went on to claim that “their portrayal of “regular gay life” trivializes the struggles and stereotypes the lifestyles of queer people in America,” and concluded by saying “Modern Family is, without a doubt, the worst thing on television.”

After reading their statements, Taggart and Genevieve clasped their hands together and raised them above their head in shared triumph, before they paused, looked at their entwined fingers for a pregnant moment, and abruptly separated. Both were then seen making exaggerated displays of wiping their hands off while doing a “so gross” face.

Modern Family airs Wednesdays on ABC at 9/8c. Check your local listings for details.

Reporting by Senior Arts & Entering Correspondent David Sharp