CUPERTIONO, California – Apple products, the geniuses behind the iMac, iPod, and iPad, have released the details about their long awaited newest product offering, the abPad. The abPad is a personal tablet similar to the iPad, but with the major innovation of in-body touch controls. Installed just under the dermis of individuals with less than 10% body fat, users can play movies, surf the web, and chart workout schedules, all with a touch of the tummy.
The abPad will have access to most Apple apps, and includes both a full belly projection and a 6-screen individual ab projection mode, as well as full washboard functionality. Designer Unechi Entizawa got the idea for the abPad when he noticed how much muscular men enjoy stroking their own rippling bellies. “I would see these guys talking to women and pseudo-casually stroking their abdominal muscles underneath their D-Shirts, and it occurred to me that we could give them an actual reason to play with their bodies like that.”
Installation is a relatively simple 16-hour operation that involves separating the skin of the stomach area from any connective muscle tissue to create a “pad pocket” where the tablet is inserted, and, thanks to the new bio-engineered Nervosity ® material, begins to chemically bond with the surrounding cells until the abPad is literally an inseparable part of the user.
The abPad is just the first of a new line of bio-connected hardware, with more releases planned for 2013. The iPec is scheduled for release in January, and though dates have not been announced yet, it should be followed by both the eyePad and the iPud later in the year. “We’re very excited about this next leap forward.” said Entizawa, “Apple is committed to creating products that will hopefully someday replace all of a human’s inefficient “natural” parts with a full catalogue of iProducts.”
Initial users are commenting that they love the portability of the abPad, its sleek in-ab design, and the excuse to touch themselves more. Several minor bugs have been reported, such as infection, rejection, and ticklishness.
Reporting by David Sharp, Senior Cyborg Fashion Correspondent.