In a move described by company officials as a “major win for on-the-go consumers,” Johnson & Johnson has released its new 3-in-1 shampoo-conditioner-toothpaste.
Sources say the product, dubbed Morning Goo, triples as a hair cleaner, hair rejuvenator, and teeth whitener. And it all “squeezes out of the same easy-to-grip bottle,” said company CEO Dick Themover.
Earlier this year, the company planned to release a 4-in-1 shampoo-conditioner-toothpaste-oven cleaner, but the “convenient mixture for busy professionals” caused several focus groups to spontaneously combust.
So Johnson & Johnson “struck a compromise,” according to Themover, and “opted for the product that “didn’t set valued customers on fire.”
Thus far, customers seem pleased with the results. Tom O’Malley, a 29-year-old part-time barista, claims the product “helps shave 1-2 minutes of morning prep time from my early afternoons.”
“With my hair and teeth products all in the same bottle, I have time to refresh my Twitter page at least two more times before heading out to my 2:00 – 4:30 shift,” said O’Malley, applying Axe body spray to his underarms and face.
Consumer protection groups, however, caution that Morning Goo has caused some problems in test trials.
A modest number of users, for example, have reported bleaching of their hair and softening of their teeth. Of course, some consumers view these side effects as beneficial.
“I used to have the hardest teeth,” complained 19-year-old Tammy Starlet, “but now they’re way more soft. It’s great!” Starfish admitted that she “can only eat vegetable broth,” but claims she’s lost “like, 25 pounds!” since buying the product.
And fans of the original Morning Goo are already excited about the expected launch of Morning Goo II, which features an iPod dock, external speakers, and a unisex vibrator.