Man Saves Sex Doll From Burning Apartment

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STUDIO CITY, CA – Perry Stugart is being lauded as a hero today after he ran back into his burning apartment, at great risk to himself, in order ensure the safety of his Real Doll ® fully articulated lifelike sex partner Gabrielle, as well as his Playstation 3 and half an once of marijuana. The fire, whose origin is still being investigated, was threatening to consume Stugart’s 3rd floor single bedroom apartment

“Well, y’know, when I first realized there was a fire, I just acted on instinct and got myself to safety” said Stugart, 27, “But well, y’know, I just realized as soon as I got outside that Gabby was still in there, and I didn’t want to lose her.” When pressed for details on why he risked life and limb to rescue an inanimate object, Stugart said “Well, y’know, I’ve had her for, like, three years, which is way longer than I’ve ever been with any real girl, you know? Plus, well, she was like, crazy expensive, and I didn’t want to have to replace her. After all, it’s not like I’m getting another student loan check any time soon… She does kinda smells like smoke now though.”

About the video game consol and marijuana, Stugart offered, “Well, y’know, I just saw the PS3 on my way out, and I was like “well, y’know, that was pretty expensive too, and I’ve gotten almost as many hours of enjoyment out of it,” and while I was disconnecting it I saw my bud, and I was like – fuck – I don’t want the cops to see my shit; plus, y’know – I’m gonna want some for the hotel room later.” Gabrielle is safe and is currently residing in the uncanny valley; Perry’s dog Trey, however, perished in the blaze.

Reporting By David Sharp, Senior Arson and Passions Correspondent