US Government Releases Updated Worst List

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WASHINGTON D.C. — The Department of Worsts and Means has released their 2012 update to The Worst List, with several notable new inclusions. Added this year to the Government’s record of all things awful, irritating, and annoying are Bane impressions, the unholy union of Avril Lavigne and that Nickelback guy, Progressive Insurance, and people that use the expression “the worst.”

Government scientists specializing in peeveology claim to be well aware of the irony so-called “Worsters” being added to the registry. “We understand that by including those that use the expression “the worst,” we are effectively worsting our own department,” said Dr. Alphonse D’Agostino, chief researcher in charge of everything terrible. “This was not necessarily something that we had a choice in. We are schientists. We do schience things. It’s not a matter of opinion, it’s a matter of objectivity,” he stated before shedding his schientst coat, carving an ouroboros into his chest, and leaping from the balcony of his 23rd floor scheince room.

Other items added to the Worst List for 2012:

             -Using the fact that you have kids to explain your own bad behavior

             -Ryan Lochte

             -Guys that insist on running the grill, even if the barbecue is at someone

               else’s home.

             -Using literally figuratively

             -Anyone that points out spelling and grammar mistakes on Facebook or Twitter

             -Anyone that “demands” to see a manager

             -Pringles, for failing to update their can size to accommodate more obese

               American hands

             -Snooki’s Baby

             -Advertisements that use songs that aren’t that one song but are kinda like it

             -Anyone that still has a car alarm

For the complete US Worst List, visit EverythingThatSucks.gov

Reporting by David Sharp