WASHINGTON, DC — Citing a slight hangover and general case of the blahs, President Barack Obama declared that today he would be cancelling his plans and appointments and taking what he describes as a “me” day. “Sorry nation, I’m just not feeling it today,” said the President, “I think I’m just gonna hang by myself if that’s cool.”
The President reportedly went back to bed after making the announcement, and the speculation is that upon awaking he will be ordering a pizza and catching up on some Parks and Rec. “Barack’s been a busy man recently, and his Netflix cue has really gotten out of hand,” says an anonymous White House staffer. “Plus I think he’s got kind of a think for Leslie Knope. Combine that with his documented love of a good Chicago style deep-dish pie, and we have the conditions for a perfect storm of chilling in for the day.”
The President did have several speaking appearances that he cancelled, and a meeting with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu which he postponed via text. The Associated Press reports the contents of the text as, “Hey bro, pretty out of it today. How long u in town for? Cool if we do it tomorrow?” There are no reports as of press time about Netanyahu’s response.
Reporting by David Sharp. Twitter: @DavidAndSharp