Agricultural Summary Reports Bumper Organ Harvest

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DES MOINES, Iowa – The Agricultural Summary that was released Tuesday the Department of Agriculture and Organs shows indications across all major organ families that this will be one of the most prolific harvests in recent memory.

Lung and pancreas conditions continued to surge, with pancreas ratings of 6 percent very poor, 10 percent poor, 43 percent fair, 30 percent good and 11 percent excellent, and Lung ratings of 5 percent very poor, 9 percent poor, 36 percent fair, 38 percent good, and 12 percent excellent.

The agricultural summary also reported that 70 percent of the eyeball crop is currently blooming, compared with 37 percent at this time in 2011. The five year average is 42 percent.

Liver conditions are rated at 16 percent very poor, 25 percent poor, 42 percent fair, 16 percent good and 1 percent excellent, with 15 percent of the crop setting pods, compared to 7 percent at this time last year.

Ichabod Barlow, Head of the DOA&O, was quoted as saying “Bring me your sweet meats. Give me your tender bits.” He then laughed maniacally and picked his teeth with a shard of splintered bone taken from a child’s femur before closing his brief case and exiting the press conference. All other indicators were optimistic.

Reporting by David Sharp. Twitter: @DavidAndSharp