- The Sweetest Thing (2002)
What’s happening when you get together Cameron Diaz, Tom Jane and Christina Applegate? Well, I know it sounds a lot like my Friday nights with the crew at La Seranata de Garibaldi, but actually, bucko, it’s the principle cast of 2002’s The Sweetest Thing. Throw in second unit director Rick Avery and you got yourself one movie.
- Coffee and Cigarettes (2003)
I know what you’re thinking. Steven Wright, Iggy Pop and Cate Blanchett in the same place? Sounds like a list of people sprawled half-naked on my sunroom chaise lounge on a Sunday afternoon. However, el cap-ay-tin, it also happens to be a list of supporting actors for Coffee and Cigarettes. In other words, it’s what we call a “movie picture.”
- New Year’s Eve (2011)
Can’t tell the difference between the call sheet for Gary Marshall’s New Year’s Eve and the guest list for my super exclusive “Murphy’s Rock’n New Years Par-tay”? Then you would be a dumb-o because if I wanted to invite two people who cheated at Gin Rummy then I would invite myself twice instead of sound effects editor Richard L. Anderson. If you include that lying scum Anderson, guess what? Instead of a nutso New Year’s bash, it’s what we call in the biz “a screenie.”
- Summer Catch (2001)
Besides being my go-to-guy for shrooms, Matthew Lillard is also my best friend. Yet, he is probably best known for portraying Billy Brubaker in 2001’s Summer Catch. Till this day, people will stop him on the street to sign their memorabilia with his classic catchphrase “Baseball”. Also, Summer Catch was a movie for some reason.
- Torque (2004)
What can you say about a movie like Torque? You could say the following: Biker Cary Ford (Martin Henderson) is framed by an old rival and biker gang leader for the murder of another gang member who happens to be the brother of Trey (Ice Cube), leader of the most feared biker gang in the country. Ford is now on the run trying to clear his name for the murder while Trey and his gang are out for blood. Yet, that synopsis wouldn’t encapsulate my standing invitation to Saturday brunch with Torque producers Bruce Berman and Graham Burke—collectively known as the “Torque Twins”—at El Cid. Anyway, it’s a movie.
- LINCOLN!!! (2012)
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Ease up there, skiperooni. If you think forcing Daniel Day-Lewis to dress up like ole Honest Abe and sulk around for 150 minutes is just what I do every year on my birthday because I know about that kid he ran over in Des Moines, then you probably haven’t heard of a little movie called LINCOLN!!! As surely as I know that little boy’s name was Julian, I am equally assured that LINCOLN!!! was a majorly motion picture.
- Baghead (2008)
Mumblecore darling Mark Duplass neither likes to get fancy with his filmmaking nor our ad hoc get-togethers for “fishy chips” at The Pikey on Sunset. That’s what makes Baghead such a gritty, d.i.y. horror phenom and also a movie.
- The Replacements (2000)
When Gene Hackman and I aren’t doing blow off the tits of a hostess at Morton’s on La Cienega, he’s probably blowing you away with his amazing person-lies or, as he calls it, “acting.” I think we all knew where we were when we first started chanting, “FALCO, GO FALCO, YAY, WIN FOOTBALL!” If you were me, then it was at a little art house cinema in Echo Park with a slightly embarrassed Edie Falco holding your hand.
- Caveman Urg! (1938)
Think this a real movie, Slowpoke Jones? Well, guess again, junior, because it’s just the name of a movie I made up that had indie darling Daisy Ridley in stitches for minutes during our weekly supper at Providence on Melrose. Get a clue, broham.
- The Break-Up (2006)
If you thought that the ending to this supposed “filmy” left you hangin’, then you don’t know much about the tortured relationship Jenny-Poo and I had in 2013. Six dinners at Urasawa on Rodeo in two months? That clandestine week in Oslo? And then no communication ever again just because I was photographed with Jen-Law at Melisse on Wilshire? W.T.F.? If I wanted this kind of non-responsive relationship then I would have stayed with Bret Easton Ellis during the tumult after the release of American Pyscho. To that I say, “American Pysch-no!” A movie this might be, but #1 in my heart? You wish. Like how I wish it wasn’t so impossible to get a table at Patino on Grand in the rare occasion I don’t have a half-past-drunk Carey Mulligan leaning on my arm screaming in Creole for her Frenchy yum-yums. However, I must admit that this a movie.
Joshua Murphy wants you to know that there is no “they,” but rather only people that enjoy the song “Hey, Soul Sister” and other people that are decent human beings.