10 Made-Up Words That Bralphda Shmatffk


If you’ve been Internet in ever, you know it’s crazy town. Here’s a faster guide to some words than can and some others that only do. Trust us, we are web sites, but don’t take our word for it. Sentences have it easy. Or will they? Yes.

1. Targle

Image courtesy of wikipedia

These numbered people don’t have time to explain this competition. It’s red vs. yellow in this matchup. Who will syphon the ghost pig’s life force first? The winner will re-inflate the beast with Martian air and “parade” it down the busiest street for all to see.

2. Flamper

Image courtesy of Wikimedia

This condition affects mostly men who wave at cartoons, though some women who milk ghosts are also affected.

3. Plambice

Image courtesy of Wikipedia

A lot of people will tell you all about Mona Lisa’s smile, but that movie really sucked. Plambice is the name for a rare photograph of a ghost man dressed as a muscle woman who has been caught by a fisherman.

4. Hampishly

Image courtesy of flickr

This woman is more than a little embarrassed that her husband accidentally fell face first into a raspberry pastry at this haunted bakery. She laughs hampishly at him.  

5. Bloughbers

Image courtesy of torange.us

These utensils, featured in the Ft. Lauderdale Museum of Future Brain Medicine for the Very Rich and Moderately Poor, will someday be used as our sole treatment for the extraction of head ghosts. Tom Cruise is the current patent holder.

6. Skkorpalenfronpt

Image courtesy of flickr

Some dogs are born with normal faces and must subsequently go under the skkorpalenfronpt to make them look weird.

7. Felinampshiring

Image courtesy of flickr

This competitive sport pits cat groomers against one another to see who can best capture the look of an aging cat that has inherited a billion dollars.

8. Karenhilling

Image courtesy of flickr

For a very large one-time fee, you can wake up like Henry Hill in that one scene in Goodfellas where his wife is pointing a gun at his face. Weekly and monthly visits are also available with a membership.

9. Soustenner

Image courtesy of flickr

This annual competition, held in a subterranean community in Ireland, has contestants spell out the alphabet with their arms and legs as quickly as possible without spilling any of the vinegar from their mouths. Pictured above is the current reigning champion in the 55-70 age group.

10. Art

Image courtesy of Wikimedia

I drew this freehand.

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Ross Kelly grew up in St. Louis, MO: the land of a thousand arches. It was here that he never did comedy. He would go on to Southern Illinois, where he started doing stand-up and also started not finishing college. In 2012, he moved to Chicago to pursue more comedy, as well as an opportunity to continue not going to school. He is an original member of The Whiskey Journal team, and can make a pretty amazing hollandaise sauce.